Earlier this month, I missed an anniversary. It wasn’t the first anniversary I’ve missed, nor will it be the last. Nor does this particular date rate nearly the attention that the date of the Ol’ P nuptials, or birth dates of our progeny would merit. Truthfully, it probably isn’t a date that has any meaning to anyone other than me … but to me it is an important date. You see, folks, that date marks the beginning of my travels down a new path in life, a path that I have followed regularly for over a dozen years, and hope to follow for at least another dozen. Sit back, and I’ll tell you all about it. Continue reading ‘“Those Guys From Malden”’ »

Tina Yothers:  “My publicist always said as long as they pronounce your name or spell your name right, it’s all good.”

Brendan Behan:  “All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.”

Until recently, it wasn’t often that the Ol’ Philosophizer had an opportunity to act as a publicist to promote an up-coming event, and to be perfectly honest, I can understand why. My earlier attempts at promotion certainly did not inspire any confidence that I could single-handedly deliver a large chunk of market share. As recently as 2009, my six month campaign for Champlain resulted in 30% less people attending than participated the year before, and my Quadricentennial instructional manual was totally ignored by the powers that be. Still, I slogged on because we in the Malden Yacht Club are not only undaunted by our lack of judgment, we are also undeterred by our lack of success. Well, at least I’m undeterred by my lack of success. Some people in the club have actually achieved success, and you are about to read of one of them in this blolumn … eventually … after another of my maddeningly never-ending introductions. Continue reading ‘The Artful Codger’s Art Makes Us Look Good - What About Madman?’ »

Anonymous:  Q: What’s the difference between pea soup and roast beef?  A: Anyone can roast beef.

On May 23rd, the Malden Yacht Club held its annual Opening Day celebration at the Maldonia Pollution Solution and Redistribution Institution Mini-Park. Was it a success? Of course it was! How could it not be, given our history? You see, there is a long standing tradition of excellence in the MYC best exemplified by our credo “it doesn‘t get any better than this!” Every time we do something a slight bit out of the usual, we unanimously declare it to be the “best we’ve ever done!” Take a road trip? This one is the best ever. Talk about one you took last year? That one was the best ever! Paddle on a windy night? Those waves were the best ever! See  the sunset over the mountains? Best sunset ever! See the same thing a week later? Best sunset ever! So when it comes time to discuss the Opening Day Celebrations it shouldn’t surprise anyone to hear that the first party was the best ever … and the party that we had last year, well, that one was the best ever. Guess what? This year’s edition of the Malden Yacht Club Opening Day Celebration was the best ever! Don’t believe me? Then just see for yourself: Continue reading ‘The “Best” Party Ever’ »

John Sebastian:  “Sometimes you really dig a girl, the moment you kiss her, And then you get distracted by her older sister.”

Gary Larson:  “On Career Day in high school, you don’t walk around looking for the cartoon guy.”

Some people are really good at planning events. Once they come up with an idea for a party, or hear one proposed by someone else, they launch into action. Methodically, they lay out the event’s time line in a logical pattern. Then, their calibration imagination weighs each iteration and permutation, through imputation and integration, thus adding annotation and interpretation to the celebration equation until as if by prestidigitation and preordination, an organization implementation achieves gestation. Yes sir, some people are really good at planning events. Folks, I’m not one of them. Continue reading ‘Details, Details, Details’ »

Ogden Nash:  “I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers. ”

Milton Berle:  “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

Harriet Beecher Stowe:  “Most mothers are instinctive philosophers.”

Today is Mother’s Day, which makes it an appropriate day for me to give all you Malden Yacht Clubbers a good scolding paddling history lesson. For who else could you go to in order to get that most complete and accurate history of family and friends, than good Ol’ Mom? Want to know why Uncle Pete won’t appear in the same town as Aunt Tillie? Ask Mom. Or why neighbor Bob won’t be seen in the neighborhood for the next 3 to 5 years (with time off for good behavior)? Ask Mom. Or why every Thanksgiving will see Grandpa Grump covers his mashed potatoes with maple syrup and Tabasco sauce despite the snickering of everyone under the age of twenty? Again, ask Mom. Moms know the “whys” and “wherefores” of everything, and in recognition of that fact, I’m going to try to give you a mom-like history lesson about the Municipality of Outer Maldonia, which, coincidentally, happens to be MOM to us. Continue reading ‘A Party That Even MOM Would Approve Of’ »