Robert Orben: “I got a Valentine’s Day card from my girl. It said, ‘Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!’ Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.”
Victor Hugo: “Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.”
The Groundhog, Splash and Valentines Day …sounds like a wild weekend in the Swedish Hot Tub Bikini Team’s hot tub! Or it least it would have had Splash spotted said svelte sweltering Swedes several weeks ago. But as you know from reading the last post … What?!? You didn’t read that one? Okay, I’ll let that slip this time … but only because it’s Valentines Day. Why don’t I give you the long version of why Splash, The Groundhog, and the Malden Yacht Club menagerie did not spend today simmering in the same Scandinavian stew pot. It all started like this: once upon a time …
On January 27, Splash decided that the tradition of having The Groundhog from Pennsylvania decide the issue of whether there would be an early spring or a late winter was just too unscientific to be relevant in the post-aught decade of the post Y2K century. As he saw it, we needed an icon that better suits this era of gizmos and gadgets. He also figured that he had the answer to this question … no, he was the answer to this question. If there existed a more relevant symbol of precise prognostication than a computer programmer, he surely couldn’t envision it. So he decided to assume the burden of whether winter weather manipulation. Besides, as the Wild Thing often told him, he is half as furry as The Groundhog, and twice as cute and cuddly. No sir, the citizens of Maldonia would not have to rely on a rodent to tell them if it was safe to come out and play in the river! We would rely on Splash! Whoa, woe was us!
As fortune would have it, I was present when Splash made his fabulous first forecast. To insure that he would not be accused of copying The Groundhog, Splash made his prediction six days earlier than the rodent. He also made the test more relevant. Whereas The Groundhog only had to see his shadow (something that even the average Malden Yacht Clubber can do) in order to proclaim an extended winter, Splash, while paddling on the Hudson River, would have to spot the Swedish Hot Tub Bikini Team in order to achieve the same result. How was this test more relevant, you may be wondering. Well, consider this. If Splash found the S.H.T.B.T., then he (and his cohorts) would be entitled to share their hot tub with them for the duration of winter … which means that we would still be wearing eight layers of clothing at the Bad Idea Man’s 4th of July Extravaganza. Folks, this was an honest to goodness search for a longer winter. And it came up empty. Not at the end of the day, but close to the end of the afternoon … assuming that you arbitrarily say that the afternoon ends at 5:00 PM, or maybe 6:00 PM … but anyway, at the end of the paddle … Splash, with a heavy heart, halted the hunt for halter tops and declared that Maldonia would see an early spring. Six days later, The Groundhog saw his shadow, pooped on his handler’s fur gloves (what was he thinking?), and thus consigned Pennsylvania to six more weeks of winter.
So how did that work out for everyone? In the week subsequent to The Groundhog’s prediction, Mother Nature dumped about three feet of snow on Pennsylvania. Meanwhile, in Maldonia, we have endured about three tenths of an inch. Moreover, the Hudson River is virtually ice free a good four weeks earlier than normal. Way to go, Splash. Had you been successful in your search for the Swedish Hot Tub Bikini Team, the Malden Yacht Club would not have been able to kayak today. Instead, we would have had to spend Valentines Day squeezed into the Swedish Hot Tub Bikini Team’s hot tub, and considering how bad things are in Ol’ PA, I have no doubt that The Groundhog would have found his way north to join us. Once again, the Malden Yacht Club has put it’s own, unique spin on a formerly humdrum holiday.
The Malden Yacht Club Valentines Day Paddle
Just like the traditional way of celebrating this holiday, the men get saddled with some back breaking preparatory work before the festivities begin. But we don’t care. We like Valentines Day!
Let’s Pick A Hard Path For Bullwinkle!
Can You Pick Out The Perpetrator From This Line-up? Yes! They Both Did It !!
I Thought The Ol’ P Should Go First … Butt No !! Bullwinkle Cut The Line
Benny Is Happy … He Wasn’t Going With Us!
When you go out on a winter paddle, you really want to see some ice. Sometimes that means you have to look for it. But looking for ice in the river is like looking for trouble … and who better to do that than the Malden Yacht Club?
I Don’t See Any Ice Yet, But I Think We’re Getting Close
Bullwinkle Is About To Take Off His Glove And Give It The “If It Feels Like Ice, It Must be Ice” Test
I Think I Found Some …
It’s a good thing we didn’t sent Splash to look for ice. We found plenty of it.
… Does This Look Like Ice To You?
After A Vote Of Two In Favor, One Against, And One Abstention, The MYC Concluded That It Had Discovered Ice
As a barge approached, a thought occurred to me. Just suppose that I propose we justa pose as juxtaposed the barge, so close (hey, what’s a Valentines Day blolumn without a corny rhyme?)
“Hey, Get A Picture Of Us In Front Of The Barge” … “What Barge?”
Is This Where You Want Us To Pose?
No, Move Over There …
Working With Models For The MYC Blog Dry Suit Edition Can Be Sooo Exasperating … But It’s Worth It When You Get The Right Shot …
… Like This One
There weren’t any heart shaped boxes of chocolate when we returned, but there were dueling containers of coffee and donuts, which just about puts the final MYC stamp on this Valentines Day celebration. I hope we do it again next year … or Splash finds the Swedish Hot Tub Bikini Team … either way, it’s all good!
The Phebruary Phourteenth Phearsome Phoursome Phearlessly Phace Fotografers
Tho He Didn’t Find Swedish Bikinis, Splash (and Benny) Brought Sweetish Donuts - That’s A Fair Trade!
I Love The Malden Yacht Club ‘Cause We Get To Wear Cool Hats!
benny says:
today i placed my vote for best MYC story of the year so far and it involved one highly ranked MYCer who conjured up a new and entertaining way to return from the annual motorcycle show in NYC. this is just one vote and we know there will be more stories but a high bar has been set.
14 February 2010, 8:00 pmOl' Philosophizer says:
Benny is correct on several points. It is very early in our season, and there will be many, many interesting stories that will mysteriously appear. Still, the story of the wayward traveler will indeed be tough to top. Maybe this person will file a report right here on the blog, or maybe someone else will do it on his behalf. I don’t want to give anything away, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to give you a hint in the form of an altered nursery rhyme:
I’m a poor little moose who has lost my way
14 February 2010, 8:25 pmBul - Win - Kull
bullwinkle says:
No self respecting moose could ever possibly leave “O” P’s readers in the dark about circumstances beyound the mooses ” meeces ” control… It all started with bad ideas man and pauldo travelling to same location on a different day… i can certainly give them credit for the circumstances that followed…
As it is a moose could never turn down a free train ride… So we set off to NYC with great enthusiasm continuing that enthusiasm through out the day.. We traveled near and far bouncing from location to location to location across the great metropolis of manhattan.
Of course all great things must come to an END and we journeyed home…
Needless to say we didnt have to drive all we had to do was sleep… AND SLEEP AND SLEEP AND SLEEP all the way to ALBANY.. as you avid readers know albany is the long way home…
So bright and early we cought the 1st south bound home.. transferred from are train of slumber to our train of go go go and away we went to our ever familiar RHINECLIFF station.. now ya know the rest of the story.. apparent facts have been left out to protect the innocent…
BULLWINKLE
15 February 2010, 6:19 pmOl' Philosophizer says:
When I heard Bullwinkle’s story on Sunday, I never suspected that it would be an omen for the proposition that sometimes you just can’t return to your place of origin. On Monday, Splash and I would fall under the influence of this newly discovered Bullwinkle’s Travel Law of Oops, What Do We Do Now, but that story will have to wait for another post later this week.
16 February 2010, 6:13 am