Ernest Hemingway:  “Never go on trips with anyone you do not love.”

Johnny Depp:  “Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing.”

At the very instant that this blolumn is pooted posted, The Ol’ Philosophizer and the Seven Dwarfs Magnificent Seven will be working on starting their second day’s adventure on Lake Champlain. Well, that’s assuming that the northern contingent of the Malden Yacht Club has stuck to the detailed itinerary I devised to insure that this combination of paddling and extra-paddicular activities will be the Ol’ Philosophizer’s most preposterous paddling perambulation ever. That’s right, I have taken a page from the famous book “How To Make Plans and Inconvenience People” by ordaining a rigid, step by step and minute by minute schedule for all the spontaneous fun we are going to have this weekend. I’ve got a strong feeling that the others are going to love me when this trip is over! Continue reading ‘It’s An Intimidating Itinerary, Ol’ P’ »

Anonymous:  “A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men.”

Laurence J. Peter:  “The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it.”

“Put away your things, it’s time for a pop quiz.” How many of you retro-adolescents out there still groan at the thought of those words? Well, in recognition of the fact that the start of school is right around the corner, the Ol’ Philosophizer has decided to spring his own pop quiz on the Malden Yacht Club, but unlike those scholastic instruments of torture you had to endure eons ago, this one you should be prepared for. You see, folks, this exam is a test of resourcefulness, and how can anyone survive in the Malden Yacht Club without being resourceful. In fact, I have no doubt that the MYC will garner straight A’s on this one question quiz. Besides, I’m going to give you the answer. So pull out a number two pencil, put on your thinking cap, stop leering at the cute coed in the next row, and take this test. Continue reading ‘A Fan’s Plan For A Classic B.A.N.’ »

Groucho Marx:  “I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”

Westbrook Pegler:  “I am a member of the rabble in good standing.”

Some things just never work out like you planned. Take the Malden Yacht Club Blog for instance. The original idea was to create an on-line newsletter that would provide a forum for Malden Yacht Club paddlers to post comments on interesting trips, schedules of planned activities, and nominations for the beer of the month. But then a certain blowhard posted several blolumns that took way too long to get through, and the result was a virtual blog-inoculation that protected club members from Ol’ Philosophinfection. Like the non-thirsty horse, you could lead a Malden Yacht Clubber to the blog, but you couldn’t make him read. In fact, it has become a badge of honor to be able to claim complete ignorance of the contents of our very own blog, and the less of it one reads, the more exalted his status becomes within the club. However, this universal avoidance by the targeted audience created a vacuum within the internet, and since nature abhors vacuums, a different set of readers found their way to the blog. Continue reading ‘The Bad Idea Man Says “Rescue Me From The MYC”’ »

Buzz Aldrin:  “I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don’t intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.”

Joe E. Lewis:   “Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants on.”

Who knew? Who knew that someone in the Malden Yacht Club would have an idea that would meet every criteria for producing a disaster of epic proportions, only to yield the exact opposite result? Not me, that’s a certainty. Nor, I suspect, did too many others. There was, however, one person who steadfastly maintained that his idea had merit. What’s more, he also believed that the end result would see the MYC once more covered in glory, so let the doubters scoff. In his mind his proposal would soar like an eagle, and would never be pigeonholed with the turkeys the Bad Idea Man produces. And Rock was right. The decision to enter a Malden Yacht Club team in the Henry Hudson Quadathlon was a winner. If Rock keeps coming up with ideas like this, we may have to boot him out of the club. Continue reading ‘Seeing Team Sturgeon Surging Is A Burgeoning Dream’ »

Stephen Bayne:  “I am rather like a mosquito in a nudist camp; I know what I ought to do, but I don’t know where to begin.”

Karolina Kurkova:  “Hiking in undiscovered places is a lot of fun.”

If someone speaks for a group long enough and often enough, then there is a distinct possibility that outsiders could identify all of the group with that spokesman. This thought occurred to me when I heard of a recent adventure in which I, fortunately, had not been a participant. “Imagine“, I thought, “the confusion of those on the Malden Yacht Club periphery if they hear this tale. Their core beliefs about the MYC would have to be shaken by a tremor measuring 8.8 on the Richter scale.” Most of what has appeared on the Malden Yacht Club Blog has concerned our weekly outings and occasional road trips. The vast majority of the posts have been written in the first person by yours truly, and their tone has been influenced by the fact that I tend to be very cautious and conservative when choosing not only conditions and courses for kayaking, but also cozy accommodations for kayakers. In short, it is fair to say that when it involves inviting others to the water, the Ol’ P is a paragon of paddling propriety. It would not be a large leap to conclude that everyone else in the Malden Yacht Club exhibit’s the same laudable trait … it would, however, be a very big mistake. Why? Because we have a significant number of members who are truly nuts … and you are about to hear from two of them. Continue reading ‘The Hazards Of OZ’ »