Eleven paddlers from the Malden Yacht Club traveled the southern most 24 miles of Lake Champlain on May 24 and May 25. The paddlers were: Betsy, Bonnie, Don, Ed, Greg, Mike, Pat, Paul A., Paul VB, Rocco, and Roy. On the first day, three of the group paddled from Whitehall onto South Bay, and the rest traveled from Whitehall to Benson Landing, Vt. The second day covered the distance from Benson Landing to Ticonderoga. Continue reading ‘Trip Report for the Whitehall - Ticonderoga Section of Lake Champlain’ »

George Burns: “First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.”

Ted Turner: “If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect.”

Sometimes, even the Ol’ Philosophizer can’t deliver as promised. I know, I know. That’s a hard concept to swallow. Nevertheless, it’s true. On extremely rare occasions, the Ol’ P disappoints his public. This is one of those occasions. Folks, I know that you had your hearts set on rushing to today’s blolumn, and discovering a spectacular pictorial review of the Malden Yacht Club Opening Day Ceremony. Unfortunately, it looks like you may have to wait a bit longer. Mea culpa, mea culpa! (Although just between you, me and the outhouse, if I had a more reliable assistant, my record would still be perfect … but I am not one to shift blame to others … even if reasonable men would all agree, that’s where it lies). Continue reading ‘It’s Sooo Hard to Get Good Help These Days’ »

Fred Allen: “His success had the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.”

Mark Twain: “Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.”

This is a becoming a very hectic time in the Malden Yacht Club. We had the Opening Day ceremonies last week (more on that later), the Lake Champlain trip is in one week, and I need to do more North country scouting before that. As a result, I haven’t had very much time to write this week’s blolumn. But don’t despair. I have hundreds of pages of memoirs that I wrote two years ago, when I had the misguided notion that I could write a book. Lucky for you, they are still available to fill these little woid voids (my grandfather was from the Bronx). So get ready to suffer through more reminiscences of the Ol’ P, because I have decided to tell you about the very first time I kayaked in the Hudson. Coincidentally, the anniversary of that event happens to be tomorrow. Besides, maybe by posting parts of my memoirs on the Blog, I can claim to have written a blook. Continue reading ‘Everyone Has To Start Sometime’ »

Jimmy Durante: “My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”

Garrison Keillor: “I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.”

I don’t know how the rest of you married men feel about this, but in the Ol’ Philosophizer’s opinion there is only one thing to do when your wife happens to have a good idea … steal it! Oh, I can already hear the vehement protests raised by all those young chivalrous whippersnappers out there, who think they know more than the Ol’ P about sailing the sea of matrimony, and who would never consider doing something as underhanded as that. Bozos! What would they do? The way I see it, the only other choices that they have would be to ignore the brainstorm, or acknowledge the little woman as its creator. Let me tell you folks, I wouldn’t travel down either of those paths for all the beer in Milwaukee. Let me explain the finer points of domesticity to all those mrs.-guided lunkheads who don’t yet recognize the merits of my position. Continue reading ‘The Ol‘ Philosophizer Dispenses Matrimonial Advice, Business Tips, and Other Interesting Tidbits’ »

Robert Byrne: “Partying is such sweet sorrow.”

Tommy Smothers: “Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that’s bad for you!”

Ask any professional sports fan to identify the four biggest events associated with Spring, and he will answer: Major League Baseball’s opening day, the Masters, the Kentucky Derby, and The Official Opening Day Party of the Malden Yacht Club. Ask any sportsman to identify the three biggest events associated with Spring, and he will answer: the first day of fishing season, the first day of turkey season, and The Official Opening Day Party of the Malden Yacht Club. Ask any college student to identify the two biggest events associated with Spring, and she will answer: Spring Break and The Official Opening Day Party of the Malden Yacht Club. Ask every law enforcement officer to identify the biggest event associated with Spring, and they will unanimously answer: The Official Opening Day Party of the Malden Yacht Club. To all professional sports fans, sportsmen, college students, and law enforcement officials who may be reading this, I just want to alert you: SPRING IS HERE! Continue reading ‘The Official Opening Day Party of the Malden Yacht Club Is Coming’ »