H. L. Mencken:  “It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.”

Folks, do I have a pleasant surprise for you! I bet you expected that the very next time I posted on the blog, I would give you a stroke by stroke account of the Malden Yacht Club’s 139 mile journey down Lake Champlain. And you would be wrong … I’ll save that for another time. Instead, I am going to hand the keyboard over to Mrs. Ol’ P because she has a whopper of a story to tell … and it’s all true! (Don’t get used to that commodity on the Malden Yacht Club Blog.) Anyway, before I spoil her effort, why don’t I let Mrs. Ol’ P tell you what happened on the very first day of our most recent Lake Champlain adventure … even I couldn’t make this stuff up. (more…)

Ralph Waldo Emerson:  “Nature is a mutable cloud which is always and never the same.”

Ol’ Philosophizer:  “What did he say?”

Mothers may claim that they love all of their children equally and unconditionally, but can anyone dispute the proposition that many bestow the most care and attention on the more ill-behaved of the brood? OK, maybe that assertion isn’t a fact that can be applied universally, but with the Malden Yacht Club, that contention, like our capsized kayaks, definitely holds water. Mother Nature treats us well, very well indeed! Whether it’s ice floes for “hide and seek” in the winter, or consecutive months of warm waters and sultry breezes in the summer, Mother Nature is always there with care for the rascally retro-adolescents of the Malden Yacht Club, and we take every opportunity we can to exhaust both ourselves and her treasures. Yes, Mother Nature is overly generous with her gifts to her prodigal paddlers, but I have to wonder if somewhere down the line, there just might be a tiny price to be paid. (more…)

Berthold Auerbach:  “The little dissatisfaction which every artist feels at the completion of a work forms the germ of a new work.”

It’s been almost a month since I posted on the Malden Yacht Club Blog, so I feel like I should do something to appease the gods of the internet. You know, something short of writing “All Hail Google!” Maybe what I ought to do is ferret out some inconsequential internet information, and then use that info to introduce my post, regardless of whether it pertains to what I‘m about to write. Yeah, that ought to keep my hard drive from crashing … so here goes. According to Wikipedia, “the Age of Discovery, also known as the Age of Exploration, was a period starting in the 15th century and continuing into the early 17th century during which Europeans engaged in intensive exploration of the world, establishing direct contacts with Africa, the Americas, Asia, and Oceania and mapping the planet.” Hmmm, I must admit that this sounds like an ambitious undertaking to me. What’s more, with the close of a Malden Yacht Club exploration at hand, it puts me in a contemplative mood. How would history have turned out if all of these explorers had been progenitors of the Malden Yacht Club? Scary thought, isn’t it? Almost as scary as “All Hail Google.” (more…)

Woody Allen:  “Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.”

It was 101 degrees in the shade, so I could have been hallucinating. The day had been a taxing one, though it ended pleasantly enough with a spirited water cannon bombardment that highlighted the evening’s trip to the lighthouse. An early summer heat wave had settled over the Northeast, and the veteran paddlers of the Malden Yacht Club resorted to old tricks to diminish its effect. The floating water gun fight, long a staple of late July and early August paddles, made its debut earlier this year as we did our best to thwart Mother Nature’s mistimed gift of warmth. The relief was instantaneous, but the added exertions of following fleeing fellows in a freely flowing following sea quickly drew down our energy reserves. Then there was the swimming at the lighthouse, a paddle back to the park through a stiff breeze more at home on the savannahs, and the fire quenching chugging of several nectars of the gods, all of which contributed to that warm and fuzzy feeling one gets at the successful conclusion of a withering but worthwhile day. So yes, it’s possible that I may have been hallucinating … but I wasn’t. (more…)

William Cowper:  “How much a dunce that has been sent to roam, excels a dunce that has been kept at home.”

This week, the Malden Yacht Club Race Team made its official debut at the Towpath Regatta in Scotia. Featuring eleven paddlers and a support crew of five, these Madman clad adventurers roamed north and then west to race east and then feast. This would be a startling departure from the laidback nature of our group of retro-adolescents, a group that tries to avoid any semblance of ambition or goal orientation. Although it is true that we had previously entered two wacky raft races, those efforts had been made to prove how wacky we were, and we were rewarded by being crowned the wackiest of wacky. But this new race would be strictly a race, with the sole purpose of getting from Point A to Point B in the least amount of time possible. Along the way, pounding hearts, raspy breathing, eyes stung from perspiration, fatigued limbs, and lingering fears of vascular explosions and muscular implosions would compete for soothing thoughts from the racers’ brains. Does this sound like a good time to you? (more…)

Brendan Behan:  “All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.”

Until recently, it wasn’t often that the Ol’ Philosophizer had an opportunity to act as a publicist to promote an up-coming event, and to be perfectly honest, I can understand why. My earlier attempts at promotion certainly did not inspire any confidence that I could single-handedly deliver a large chunk of market share. As recently as 2009, my six month campaign for Champlain resulted in 30% less people attending than participated the year before, and my Quadricentennial instructional manual was totally ignored by the powers that be. Still, I slogged on because we in the Malden Yacht Club are not only undaunted by our lack of judgment, we are also undeterred by our lack of success. Well, at least I’m undeterred by my lack of success. Some people in the club have actually achieved success, and you are about to read of one of them in this blolumn … eventually … after another of my maddeningly never-ending introductions. (more…)

Gary Larson:  “On Career Day in high school, you don’t walk around looking for the cartoon guy.”

Some people are really good at planning events. Once they come up with an idea for a party, or hear one proposed by someone else, they launch into action. Methodically, they lay out the event’s time line in a logical pattern. Then, their calibration imagination weighs each iteration and permutation, through imputation and integration, thus adding annotation and interpretation to the celebration equation until as if by prestidigitation and preordination, an organization implementation achieves gestation. Yes sir, some people are really good at planning events. Folks, I’m not one of them. (more…)

Milton Berle:  “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

Harriet Beecher Stowe:  “Most mothers are instinctive philosophers.”

Today is Mother’s Day, which makes it an appropriate day for me to give all you Malden Yacht Clubbers a good scolding paddling history lesson. For who else could you go to in order to get that most complete and accurate history of family and friends, than good Ol’ Mom? Want to know why Uncle Pete won’t appear in the same town as Aunt Tillie? Ask Mom. Or why neighbor Bob won’t be seen in the neighborhood for the next 3 to 5 years (with time off for good behavior)? Ask Mom. Or why every Thanksgiving will see Grandpa Grump covers his mashed potatoes with maple syrup and Tabasco sauce despite the snickering of everyone under the age of twenty? Again, ask Mom. Moms know the “whys” and “wherefores” of everything, and in recognition of that fact, I’m going to try to give you a mom-like history lesson about the Municipality of Outer Maldonia, which, coincidentally, happens to be MOM to us. (more…)